Boiling Frogs

One thing I've learned over the years is that life is never all good and it's never all bad.  Some times are better than others and some are worse than others, but neither lasts forever.  Also, if you pay attention, no matter how bad things are you can always find something good somewhere.  Conversely, if you're the type, no matter how good things are you can always find something bad somewhere.  In my experience, the really good times are easy.  (Thank you, Captain Obvious)  I also have an easier time dealing with life when it's bad, bad, bad.  Not to say it isn't hard, but thanks to the Bible, AA and Al-Anon, I've got tools.  And when life is bad, I get out those tools.  And I use them.  I'm in church, I'm in meetings, I'm in the Bible, I'm in prayer, I'm in my Big Book, I'm working the steps, the 3rd, 7th and 11th step prayers are on my mind constantly.  I'm praying for guidance, I'm looking for the lesson, I'm asking for help.  I work my butt off to get to the other side.

Then there's the some good, some bad times.  Where I've got some good things going on and I've got some bad things going on, but not one more than the other.  Because what usually seems to happen is I find out that someone's been boiling frogs and I'm the frog.

Explanation - if you're going to boil a live frog and you throw him in boiling water, he's just going to jump out.  But if you put him in a pot of cool water and slowly turn up the heat, he'll adjust with the water until he's boiled to death.  (I seriously don't want to know how this was first discovered.  Just work with me people.)

Well, I'm the frog again.

I have some super amazing things going on in my life.  I have not one, but two new babies coming into the family in a matter of weeks.  I just turned 40 which was a miracle and was seriously spoiled by friends and family.  I just got to spend the week-end with family I haven't seen in decades.  I just got to spend Spring Break with two of my granddaughters.  And my husband and I are in a really good place in our marriage right now.

However, it has occurred to me that there's some bad stuff going on too.  I've spent a lot of time lately waiting for the other shoe to drop in two major areas.  Areas that I've had some experience in the past and so they're producing a lot of fear. 

#1 - last year we got a lot of rain.  One of the wettest years in a long time.  It was wonderful.  The grass grew tall and pretty.  This year.  No rain.  In months.  Driest March on record.  That tall pretty grass is now called fuel.  Grass fires are everywhere.  No rain in the forecast.  High temps, low humidity and high winds - the triad of grass fires - are in the forecast.  So far there have been no grass fires in our area.  That will change.  If we don't get rain, that will change.  Three years ago, we had one close to our house.  One of the scariest experiences of my life.  And another one in town affecting a lot of people I know.  So I have been rather obsessively watching the weather reports, news of fires, watching the skies for smoke.  If someone is barbecuing, I panic.  I start freaking out and looking around for smoke plumes.  The husband does the same thing.  We talk about it A LOT.  I didn't realize just how much it consumes my time until the other day.

#2 - There have been some major budget cuts at work.  There will be more.  How bad will depend on the state legislature.  There will be layoffs.  I don't know if I will be one of them.  The husband and I work at the same place.  I don't know if he will be one of them.  People I know and care about may be getting laid off.  Best case scenario is we keep our jobs, but the work has to be done so it gets doubled/tripled and still has to be done in 40 hours.  I don't even want to think about worst case scenario.  I've been there.  It's not fun.  We live in a small town.  I have no idea what we'll do.  The thing is, we won't know anything really and truly definite until around July.  We keep getting updates.  It's all we talk about around here.  My boss is stressed out and I've been his sounding board (not complaining, just a fact).  The husband and I talk about it ad nauseum.  Who will it be?  What can they cut?  What are they going to do?  What are we going to do?

Not much I can do about either one except realize that the water has been getting turned up without me really paying attention to it and all those tools I listed are still available to me as long as I pick them up and use them.  I don't have the power to turn the water back down but I do have the power to keep from getting boiled alive. 

Acts 17:27-28 (NIV) God did this so that they would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from any one of us.  For in Him we live and move and have our being.

Philippians 4:6 (NIV) Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Fruit Basket Turnover Week

All is quiet on the blog front because my week month has been craziness.  It's that time of the semester and work and this semester seems to be superextraseriously crazy.  Craziness+insanity+hysteria+weirdness=my life right now.  It's not necessarily anything bad, just nuts.

It should be over soon.

Sort-of.

My job is a lot of fun.  It's a lot of work.  It's time for things to settle down.  But so far this is one of THOSE semesters.  Kind-of like that neighbor that you kind-of like but when you're around them they're unspeakably rude, very hard to understand and WON'T GO AWAY!!!  I think we're going to be craziness personified until May 13, 2011.  A significant day worthy of it's own blog post.

Lessons of the week:

#1 - Stupid people don't get less stupid - if anything they find whole new ways to be stupid.

#2 - I am in a really, really, really good place in my life no matter what the scale, my migraines, or my feelings tell me.  The little Mr. and I are sitting pretty and I need to get good and grateful NOW.

#3 - I'm a big ol' baby who gets her feelings hurt over nothing.  I obsessed for 24 hours over....coffee.  Wow.  That was 24 hours well spent.

#4 - When I get out of my own way, God takes really good care of me.  When I get in my own way I am train wreck city.

So yeah, I'm all over the map on this one because I am all over the map in my life, feelings, thinking, etc.  I did start a journal to really get a grip on myself.  If I'm doing the things I'm not supposed to be doing and I'm not doing the things I'm supposed to be doing....I'm in the wrong spot.   

Gratitude

One of the principles of recovery in 12 step programs is gratitude.  Primarily that gratitude isn't a feeling...it's an action.  At least, that's what has been true for me.  And we're coming up to November which is always considered "Gratitude Month" because of "Thanksgiving" and that's when you should be grateful.  Which has always ticked me off.  "Gratitude Month" should be turned into "Gratitude Friday at 4:30 am because I woke up from a dream and realized that I'm nice and cozy in my bed instead of out on the streets."  or "Gratitude Wednesday at noon because the husband grilled cheeseburgers for lunch."  or "Gratitude Saturday morning because even though I have a migraine...I still have medicine and it will go away." My focus should always be on gratitude and my question should always be...how can I pay it back?

Today was a great example.  I'm grateful for the freedoms afforded me by our military.  Our men and women who give up homes, families, friends and comfort to go to the most horrible places on earth and fight for our freedom.  Because of my medical history it was never possible for me to become one of those people.  The most I have had to sacrifice was quite a few sleepless nights when my baby brother was in the Army and serving in Kosovo.  I haven't had to watch a child or spouse or parent go.  But I can express my gratitude.  I have the freedom to whine, complain and gripe about my country...and I have the freedom to say that in spite of our flaws, in spite of what we do to each other, in spite of the economy, we are the best country in the world.  Now how do I pay it back?  I voted.  I took 15 minutes out of my day and I let my voice be heard.  Will it matter?  I don't know.  But I did it.  I encourage everyone who reads my blog (all both of you) to take the time out of your lives to go vote and let your voice be heard.

Another thing that has struck me this week is that I'm so very grateful for my job.  I don't always love it.  It's not always easy.  But I have one.  And for the most part it rocks.  This week I've gotten a couple of opportunities to be of service outside of the 40 hour work week.  It's Spirit Week...where the three classes of students compete against each other in different things.  I got to be a judge this year.  It's an honor to be asked.  All I am is a little ol' school secretary.  But I got the opportunity to interact with the kids and I had a blast.  Now...no, I did not love the pumpkin and coconut milkshake (seriously?  yuck) and I sure didn't love sticking my hand in a pile of stink bait to get the dead fish with the key tied to it.  But for the most part it was a great night and I can't wait to do it again.

And finally, there's my family.  I'm grateful for every single one of them.  My life is richer for having all of them.  The parents, the grandparents, the brothers, the kids, the grandkids, the aunts and uncles, the cousins, the steps, the in-laws and the out-laws.  I don't do nearly enough to show my gratitude for them.  I still spend way too much time worrying about who is doing what for me instead of what I can do for them.  But I'm trying...

And I would have none of it without my Higher Power - God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.  Thank you.