Running

This is not a weight loss/exercise blog.  Not knocking weight loss/exercise blogs.  They have their purpose and I'm all for them. But the name Fruit Basket Turnover means I don't want to be pigeonholed into "weight loss" blog, "health" blog, "crazy Grandma" blog or whatever.

However.... I'm thinking about starting a running program.  I've been hearing a lot about Couch to 5K which is the whole start out a couch potato and in 8 weeks (or however long it takes you) compete in a 5K.

I...am...not...a...runner.  To quote the Genie in Aladdin "It's not a pretty picture.  I don't like doing it!!"  When everyone else is learning to run as a child, I was having to sit still and try not to pass out.  Running isn't a natural thing for me.  Now, I would run if like my house was on fire or I had a niece/nephew/grandchild running into the street.  But for exercise?  Not happening.  I'll walk, thanks.

But I'm approaching my 40th birthday and I've been doing a lot of "why not?" kind of thinking.  Why am I not trying to run?  Seriously?  Because I can't?  Why not?  "Never having really tried" does not equal "can't".  I'm lazy?  Well, yeah.  That's why the scale is creeping up higher and higher.

What will happen if I try it?  I may find out I like running!!  (Okay...I didn't buy that either.)  I may find out that once I get the mechanics figured out and work my way into it, it's not so bad.  I may find out I have more power than I ever gave myself credit for.  I mean, if other TOF patients can become Olympic snowboarders and triathlon participants, why can't I do a 5K????

So I'm going for it.  I'll see if there are any 5K's around my birthday in April and if so and if I'm ready I'm making a t-shirt that says "I'm 40 and a heart survivor...Bring It!!"  (And any available parents, kids, grandkids, brothers, sisters-in-law,  nieces, nephews, friends...and yes dear, husbands...had better be there to cheer me on!!!)

Gratitude

One of the principles of recovery in 12 step programs is gratitude.  Primarily that gratitude isn't a feeling...it's an action.  At least, that's what has been true for me.  And we're coming up to November which is always considered "Gratitude Month" because of "Thanksgiving" and that's when you should be grateful.  Which has always ticked me off.  "Gratitude Month" should be turned into "Gratitude Friday at 4:30 am because I woke up from a dream and realized that I'm nice and cozy in my bed instead of out on the streets."  or "Gratitude Wednesday at noon because the husband grilled cheeseburgers for lunch."  or "Gratitude Saturday morning because even though I have a migraine...I still have medicine and it will go away." My focus should always be on gratitude and my question should always be...how can I pay it back?

Today was a great example.  I'm grateful for the freedoms afforded me by our military.  Our men and women who give up homes, families, friends and comfort to go to the most horrible places on earth and fight for our freedom.  Because of my medical history it was never possible for me to become one of those people.  The most I have had to sacrifice was quite a few sleepless nights when my baby brother was in the Army and serving in Kosovo.  I haven't had to watch a child or spouse or parent go.  But I can express my gratitude.  I have the freedom to whine, complain and gripe about my country...and I have the freedom to say that in spite of our flaws, in spite of what we do to each other, in spite of the economy, we are the best country in the world.  Now how do I pay it back?  I voted.  I took 15 minutes out of my day and I let my voice be heard.  Will it matter?  I don't know.  But I did it.  I encourage everyone who reads my blog (all both of you) to take the time out of your lives to go vote and let your voice be heard.

Another thing that has struck me this week is that I'm so very grateful for my job.  I don't always love it.  It's not always easy.  But I have one.  And for the most part it rocks.  This week I've gotten a couple of opportunities to be of service outside of the 40 hour work week.  It's Spirit Week...where the three classes of students compete against each other in different things.  I got to be a judge this year.  It's an honor to be asked.  All I am is a little ol' school secretary.  But I got the opportunity to interact with the kids and I had a blast.  Now...no, I did not love the pumpkin and coconut milkshake (seriously?  yuck) and I sure didn't love sticking my hand in a pile of stink bait to get the dead fish with the key tied to it.  But for the most part it was a great night and I can't wait to do it again.

And finally, there's my family.  I'm grateful for every single one of them.  My life is richer for having all of them.  The parents, the grandparents, the brothers, the kids, the grandkids, the aunts and uncles, the cousins, the steps, the in-laws and the out-laws.  I don't do nearly enough to show my gratitude for them.  I still spend way too much time worrying about who is doing what for me instead of what I can do for them.  But I'm trying...

And I would have none of it without my Higher Power - God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.  Thank you.

Odds and Ends

The explanation of the poll - I do a really, really good imitation of the Wicked Witch of the West from the Wizard of Oz.  I have the voice down perfect.  My almost 4 year old granddaughter loves it but it scares her to pieces.  The husband...this poor child's grandfather mind you...wants me to dress up like the Wicked Witch of the West for Halloween...and talk like her.  So my question...should I or shouldn't I?  Will it completely scar her for life?  Or am I being an old fuddy duddy?? - Oh, and I just really like polls.  I'm a poll addict.  And I'm trying to make my blog site more "interesting". 

"We're not disorganized, we're flexible."  - This was a saying of an old boss of mine and actually...we were way disorganized.  And when I say it, I'm really saying I'm disorganized.  I'm not generally flexible.  But that seems to be the lesson my life is trying to teach me right now.  Because the husband and I are sharing a vehicle now, I'm having to get creative about things.  Normally, if I can't go to the gym after work, then I think.  "Oh, well, that's it, I can't work out."  But yesterday I was really freaking bored at lunch so I decided that since I can't go work out tonight, I can walk the campus at lunch.  If I have to wait for the husband for a little while...I can stick a book in my purse.  If nothing else comes from this experience...I want to be able to say I'm more flexible and more creative about spending my time.

My step-son and daughter-in-law lost a dear friend of their's last week.  He was too young and leaves behind a young daughter and a devastated family and friends.  Motorcycle riders...don't drink and ride...and for the love of everything holy wear your helmets!!!

And finally...the other lesson of this past week...hot flashes are annoying, but they don't last and I can live with them.  And then I found out we're not changing my hormones, we're decreasing them....so I don't have to try to live with them for another year.  Maybe that's the metaphor for my life right now.  Nothing lasts and I can live with it.

One of Those Days

Okay, actually, one of those weeks.  Nothing bad has happened to me.  My family are all healthy and compared to others our problems are small.  I've tried really hard to be grateful for that and remember that compared to others we have it made.  My finances aren't great right now.  My car is about to be repossessed and the husband and I are going to have to carpool.  But all in all, we have no reason to complain.

Which leads me to today.  I find out this morning that one of my step-sons best friends was killed in a motorcycle accident.  I only met him a few times and don't feel the loss like everyone else does, but the fact that it's hurting my family kills me. I'm all about the support though.  And I'll move heaven and earth to make sure that I do whatever my family needs.  But I feel like we've dodged a bullet.  And I know that there will be an end to that.  I guess I'm just reminded again of the ebb and flow of life.  I've had periods in my life where I was going to a funeral every time I turned around.  I've had periods like now where I'm celebrating a baby's birth every time I turn around.  (No complaints there.)  It's all part of life.  And I know the days of being in hospitals and funeral homes is coming again.  And today I'm grateful.

Then Oklahoma up and has an earthquake.  Really?  An earthquake.  In Okla-freaking-homa.  Wow.  So I'm wondering...what's next.  Frogs, locusts, boils?

And then I see the miners in Chile getting rescued and I realize that good things still happen in spite of what is in front of us so often.

God is in His heaven and the world is in His hands.  And I'm reminded of the analogy of life being like a jigsaw puzzle. Each day we get a new piece and some days they fit together somewhere and other days you look at it going WTH??? and other days you just think...okay, it's just like all the others.  And God is the only one who can see the top of the box to see what it's going to look like in the end.

Survivor of Congenital Heart Defects

I have tons of experience telling my story about recovery from addiction, but this will be the first time I've ever told my heart survival story.  Most of the time people see my scar and ask and I give a short, well-rehearsed speech about how I've had 3 open-heart surgeries because I was born with an underdeveloped heart and I'm in pretty good shape these days and by the time I need another open-heart then by that age all my friends will be having them.
Really...that doesn't cover it....at all.  But who really wants to hear about the heart caths, the postponing of the first surgery, the growing up and not being able to keep up, the making of the decision not to try to have kids, the third surgery and all the fun since then?
Like my story about my recovery...a lot of this is second-hand.  I mean, come on, how can I possibly remember having my first heart cath at 4 months old?  I was a blue baby, but it wasn't until I was 4 months that they had to do a heart cath and found out about my Tetralogy of Fallot with Pulmonary Stenosis.  Or in my world today TOF.  My mom used to tell the story about me standing up in my crib and screaming at the top of my lungs while they took me away.  The doctor told her I had a strong spirit and would eventually be fine.  Or as I like to refer to now...I'm too mean to give up anytime soon.
My parents then had the dreaded talk with the doctors with the surgeons on one side and the regular docs on the other with the surgeons saying "YOU MUST OPERATE NOW!!" and the docs saying "YOU MUST GIVE HER A FEW YEARS!!"  I can't even imagine.  They elected to wait because a funny thing happened.  There's an artery in babies that go up into their neck and then when you're born or close to being born it goes away.  Mine stayed.  So I had a little by-pass that kept me going.
Now, I still had no air and I still passed out and ended up at the ER a lot.  But I grew and became your average sized five year old and they started making plans for the first surgery.  Only I got some weird blood disorder which postponed it a few times.  The last time I was already in the hospital ready to go and they decided to wait.  Apparently having surgery postponed at the last minute is just as annoying for a five year old because I threw another colossal fit.  (hmmm...pattern?)  But they finally did it a few weeks later.  All I remember from number 1 was that the hospital was being completely re-done so I had to sleep in a crib in the baby ward.  And my mom had brought me some bubble gum flavored toothpaste.
The story from the first one was my grandma called to check on me the day I got out of  ICU and my mom said "I can't talk - she's gone" and hung up on her.  Grandma heard "Gone" as "Passed Away" and freaked out.  Mom meant "Gone" as "Disappeared" and hung up to go find me playing in the play room.  (Children's hospitals rock!)
My second one was my 12 hour one.  I was 8.  My first conscious thought was "Why are you poking me?  I'm sleeping really well!" But 12 hours on the heart-lung machine are bad news for brain function so they were doing neurological testing.  I remember hating the oxygen mask...which carries through to today but I like it better than the stupid canula.  Just saying.
Then that was it for awhile.  I got older, stopped having to go to the doctor every 6 months, struggled through sports, got a waiver to keep me out of PE.  Then hit 18 and became active enough with boys that we had to make the decision about birth control.  The general consensus was NOT a good idea so at 18 got my tubes tied.  Through all this I got a lot of cases of bronchitis and my senior year my lung collapsed twice.  Two years later we found out that I really needed some repairs to my heart.
Which led to surgery number 3.  Here's where it gets crazy.  The key to surviving open-heart surgery is your blood has to clot.  Alcohol thins the blood.  I managed to get drunk two days before the surgery.  I knew going in to the deal that I had seriously screwed up my chances of survival.  Before the meds kicked in I thought "Okay, God, here's the deal.  Either I live and there's a reason for me to be here or I'll see you soon."  My next conscious thought was "I could take a deep breath if you'd take this stupid tube out of my throat." and then I threw up.  This was in ICU a couple days later.  And I'm typing this, so, I guess we can all agree I made it.
Since then, the hearts been doing pretty good.  I'm on a schedule with my doc, pop in and say high in the spring, have an echo and a holter monitor in the winter.  Go over the fact that I'm not exercising enough.  And re-schedule for the next time.  A couple of years ago we discovered I've sprung another leak.  But it's not bad enough to be serious and in need of repair any time soon.  Yay!!  Although, I'm sure the day is coming and since I'm on the verge of 40...which is a whole other post....I will be at the age when all my friends are having one.
And to the doctors who told my parents that if I didn't have the surgery right then I would be dead by the time I was three.  You....were....wrong!!!  Never underestimate the power of a hard-headed baby and parents willing to do whatever it took to keep her here.

A "Not Heavy" Post or 68 Things You Might Not Care About

I realize that all of my posts so far have been pretty "heavy"...death, migraines, parental history.  So I thought I would do one of those cheesy meme's that people send around and expect you to answer only it's the same people all the time so they know your answers by heart and you know their answers by heart.  I found one that isn't the same old same old, so maybe you can learn some things about me from this.  Or not. But it could be fun.

1) Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with?  No, but I visited with his mom at a reunion a couple of years ago.  He's doing well.

2) What would you do with 1,000 plastic spoons?  Move them from one place to another in my kitchen over and over again until my husband got irritated and threw them away.  (Yes, I'm a pack rat.)

3) What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?  Mom played Fleetwood Mac over and over again, but I'd sneak in and listen to Buddy Holly and Linda Rondstadt on 8 Track.  (Holy mackerel I'm old!!)

4) What is the best thing about your job?  Being able to communicate in American Sign Language- very cool.

5) Do you wish cell phone etiquette was required in class?  I wish it was required everywhere.  

6) Where are you going on your next vacation?  Well, since we have two babies coming in the next few months I imagine I'm going to Waco and Edmond for baby showers...

7) Quote a song lyric.  "Ask anybody I'm a pretty good guy and the looks decent wagon didn't pass me by"

8) Are most of the friends in your life new or old?  New.  I have some old friends on Facebook, but the people I'm closes to are the newer ones.

9) Do you own any furniture from IKEA?  No.

10) If you could be an animal what would you be?  Koala bear

11) What state/country are you from?  Born in Arkansas, raised in Oklahoma, lived most of my life in Texas.  

12) Tell us about the last conversation(s) you had?  With the daughter-in-law about a work situation of hers.

13) Where do you see yourself in one month?  5 lbs. lighter and getting ready for the holidays.

14) What is your favorite smell?  Vanilla, my husband after a shower...I love his soap.

15) What is your favorite sight?  My grandkids, my nieces and nephews, deer running around my house

16) Do you consider yourself bipolar?  Sometimes I need a score card to keep up with mood swings so probably.
17) Have you ever done anything vindictive to your co-workers?  No.
18) Have you ever gone to therapy?  Several times.  Saved my life.  Would do it again if necessary.
19) Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?  Nope
20) Have you ever toilet-papered someones house?  Once, in junior high
21) Have you ever liked someone but never told them?  Not since high school
22) Have you ever gone camping?  Years ago.  I liked it, but haven't had opportunity in years.
23) Have you ever been to a nude beach?  Nope
24) Have you ever had sex on the beach? The drink or the act?  Drink - yes, act - no.
25) Have you ever had a stalker?  Yes and now we're Facebook friends.  Weird, no?
26) Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?  Many times.
27) Have you ever gone to a party where you were the only sober one?  Since I've been sober for over 15 years, I've been to several.  Most recently a couple of weeks ago.
28) Have you ever been cheated on?  Yes.  Not a pleasant experience
29) Have you ever felt betrayed by your best friend?  Yes but its been awhile.
30) Have you ever lied to your parents?  Well, yeah.  They didn't need to know EVERY thing.
31) Have you ever been out of the US?  I've been to Ciudad Acuna a few times.
32) Have you ever thrown up from working out?  Not since the 5th grade.
33) Have you ever gotten a haircut so bad you wore a hat for a month straight?  Thank goodness, no!!
34) Have you ever eaten 3 meals from 3 different fast food places in one day? No.  I try to get at least one meal at home.
35) Have you ever gotten so wasted you couldn't remember the night before?  Yes, a few times, hence the sobriety date.
36) Have you ever spied on someone you had a crush on?  Years and years ago.
37) Have you ever slept with one of your co-workers?  Every night....the husband and I work together.  And for the last year and a half I've been his secretary.  Him and 14 other people, but still.
38) Have you ever kissed more than one person at a time?  How would that even be possible?
39) Have you ever been searched by the cops?  Nope
40) Do you close your eyes on a roller coaster?  Well, no, that's half the fun!!
41) When's the last time you've been sledding?  When we were kids and Perry fell off and hit the rock and broke it in half.
42) Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?  With my husband as long as he stays on his side of the bed...
43) Do you believe in ghosts?  Nope.
44) Do you consider yourself creative?  Not...at...all.  
45) Do you think OJ killed his wife?  Yep.
46) Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?  Neither..I'll take Brad Pitt.  Just kidding...I'm on Team Aniston
47) Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics?  No, but I'm trying to educate myself.
48) Do you know how to play poker?  On my phone...sure.
49) Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?  There might have been a time or two in my younger years, but I like sleep too much.
50) What's your favorite commercial?  The pothole commercial "Oh wait, I don't have a cell phone because I'm a pothole.  Soooo... K bye!!"
51) Who was your first love?  Mike Turner
52) If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around, do you run a red light?  No, because with my luck a cop will be close by where I can't see him.
53) Do you have a secret no one knows but you?  Just one.
54) Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?  None of the above, I hate Major League Baseball.  It's the sports equivalent of valium and a glass of wine for me...zzzzzzzzzz
55) Have you ever been ice skating?  Yes, but it's been years.  Would love to do it again.
56) How often do you remember your dreams?  Most of the time.
57) What's the one thing on your mind?  How many questions are on this goofy thing?
58) Do you always wear your seat belt? No, if it's dark and I'm not going far I won't.  A habit I acquired from the little Mr.
59) What talent do you wish you had?  Sewing, crocheting, drawing
60) Do you like sushi?  Love it.  
61) What do you wear to bed?  Pajama bottoms and a t-shirt.  My legs get cold no matter what the temp is.
62) Do you truly hate anyone?  Only one person and I'm praying about it.
63) If you could sleep with one famous person who would it be?  The Rock.  Have you seen the muscles on that guy?
64) Do you know anyone in jail?  Sort-of.  We've only met a couple of times.
65) What food do you find disgusting?  I can't get past the smell of rattlesnake.  And I'll try anything once, but not that.  
66) Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?  I'm afraid so.  Not one of my most favorite characteristics.
67) Have you ever been punched in the face?  No.
68) Do you believe in angels and demons?  Yes, but I don't believe they show themselves to anyone on earth.

Okay, if you're still with me, I promise not to do another one of these.  At least until I find one that isn't the basic stuff again.