Thinking of Mom

I've been thinking about my mom a lot lately.  She passed away 7 and a half years ago and tomorrow would have been her birthday. 

When I would write before she was always my "editor", "soundboard", "supporter".  It kind of makes me sad that she's not around to bounce ideas off of.  But then again it's oddly freeing because she was my audience and she and I didn't agree on a few things.  Now I don't have to fit it into what I think she would like, but what I feel like writing.  And it's also a bad idea to have a relative critique what you've written because then feelings get thrown in and then holy crap what do you do with that.  Are they rejecting your writing or are they rejecting you?  What the heck did they really mean when they said that that sentence was worded weirdly? 

And I've been struck again by how much she is missing.  I just found out that preliminary tests would show that I'm going to be an aunt again.  This will be niece or nephew # 9 (although, I'm leaning toward niece and I have mad baby predicting skills within my family).  Mom was around for the first 4.  4 have been added since she passed and the baby to be named later will be number 5.  Not to mention I got hitched and skipped the whole mom thing and went straight to grandma.  (I highly recommend it.  Grandkids and nieces and nephews are the best inventions ever.)  So I've got 4 precious little ones of my own that Grandma Jessie would have loved. 

But she made her choices and wherever she is maybe she's watching.