The Angel of Migraines

I have a wonderful life.  Great husband, great family, love my job...it's not perfect, but it's good.

Except...

For flippin' migraines.

Growing up I got one in a blue moon and really, they were bad, but I wasn't like stressed out about them.  I'd just get one and think "oh, this sucks, I have a migraine".  And I'd take some medicine and drink some really strong instant tea and it would go away.  Later, I'd get them and take a cocktail of benadryl and ibuprofen and go to sleep and it wouldn't be a big deal.

Five years ago, I woke up one morning, laid in bed for a little bit with hubby (laying being operative word), got up and started to get ready to leave town to go to my grandmother's funeral.  Bent over to pick something up off the floor, stood up and next thing I know I'm hearing my husband say "Jennifer!!  Jennifer!! Open your eyes and look at me!!  Jennifer!!".  What the heck? Why?  Then I realize I'm in a really weird position.  One doesn't normally find herself sitting in her laundry basket.... Then I realize I'm still naked.  Then I realize I need to throw up.  Then I realize the only other time I've seen my husband so scared was when I passed out from a fever a couple years before.  Hhhhhmmmm.....  (And can I say that since my step-sons best friend at the time was one of the EMT's working that I'm really happy the husband didn't call 911 so he could find me naked in my laundry basket?  And what does it say about me that I'm more worried about that than the fact that I was unconscious and naked in my laundry basket.)

So that set off a round of going to doctors and emergency rooms and MRI's and CT scans and heart monitors etc and daily migraines.  Yep, I said daily migraines.  The husbands thought is that I hit my head against the wall when I passed out and it knocked something haywire even though my head didn't hurt and no damage has been found.  The best news out of all of that...I actually have a brain.  I have pictures.  It's there.  Contrary to some people's belief I do have more than just empty space between my ears.

So I went for 6 months of daily migraines.  Taking a cocktail of meds to manage the pain, because these are not normally the type that are aided by imitrex or things like that.  I have to take an anti-inflammatory, a pain med, muscle relaxer, and my dear old friend benadryl to get rid of the pain.  And I need to sleep.  I was working in a place that had a lot of chemicals and after 6 months of working only half days that it was best if I found a new job.  So I did.  And my migraines have dialed down to a couple a week.

I have two kinds of migraines which is part of my problem.  I have the classic which is where you get the aura and have squiggly lines in your vision and it feels like someone is jabbing an icepick in your brain.  Those are rare for me.  Same as when I was growing up.  Then I have my normal ones where it feels like the angel of migraines came with his boxing gloves and punched me in the left eye....always the left side. And either I wake up with it or suddenly I realize "Oh, hey, I have a migraine".  There's no warning like the others.  And with my normal ones there's three levels of pain.  "Oh, hey, my head hurts.  Ok." is the mildest, then there's the ones like today "Crap my head hurts, but I can function so here I am, but leave me alone",  and then the worst "Oh freakin' hell, somebody kill me now!!!"  And then recently, I've been introduced to a new circle of hell - the DOUBLE migraine.  Really?  Cause the others weren't bad enough?  This is where I get one aura....my head starts to hurt really bad and then after that aura goes away about 20 minutes later I get another one.  Seriously.  And the pain that comes from that is excruciating x2.  Yep.

But here's the deal.  Along with my own personal pain and agony that goes along with these.  Is what I have to deal with from other people.  Most of my migraines are like today.  I look fine.  I'm at work.  I'm functioning.  I'm typing a flippin' blog for crying out loud.  If you're paying attention, I look like I'm a little off.  But to the casual observer I look fine.  Something may come up and I'll say "Oh, I've got a migraine."  But when they're bad enough I need to call in to work, load up on drugs and sleep all day, I get "but you could work the other day".  Yeah, out of sheer force of will and too much I had to do.  And then there's the husband.  He's the only person on the planet I wish would get just one migraine.  Just one.  I don't get them just to ruin his plans.  I don't get them because I just want to miss a day of work.  I don't get them to get out of cleaning.  And there's the granddaughters. God bless them.  I hate it the most for them.  There are times it is unavoidable for us to be in the same house when I have a migraine.  And unfortunately, they've learned to ask "Do you have a headache?" when they come over and something seems off.  They still need to be able to be little girls so I try to tell whoever is responsible for them that they don't have to be quiet and if they want to come give me a hug it is really, really okay.  And it really, really helps me.  But most of all it's the people that want to offer me solutions.  Like I haven't tried everything already.  And 5 1/2 years later, I have a pretty good idea what causes them, but you just can't avoid the weather.  Although, I kind-of like my husband's ex-mother-in-law's idea....medical marijuana....  And I really hate being perceived as a whiny-a$$ baby because of it who complains all the time.  So I don't share with people most of the time when I really need to.

So there's my migraine rant.  I hate them and they hate me.  And I hate that it inconveniences others.  But there's nothing I can do about it.